Posted on May 16, 2022 by Regina Patane
Why Your Child Triggers Your Anxiety?
I have recently worked with someone, let’s call her Kathy, who had a very stressful relationship with her own toddler, to the degree that she hated the weekends as that meant having the toddler around her 24/7.
When I asked about her own childhood and relationship with her mother, Kathy said they had a good relationship. I asked if she had ever experienced trauma as a kid. Kathy said no.
Let me be clear here – no one I mean no one gone through their childhood without experiencing trauma!
What is trauma?
You see, most people think of trauma as physical or sexual abuse. Those are for sure the worse type of trauma. But there are others. You can experience trauma emotionally, which is far too common.
Say, you’re primarily caregiver was emotionally distant, unable to express their feelings, or displayed erratic/ unpredictable behaviors, for example. That means you had experienced emotional trauma.
Trauma is not the experience. The experience itself was traumatic. Trauma is what you have lost by the traumatic experience.
To stay with my previous example, if your primarily caregiver had an unpredictable personality, you have most likely experienced feeling of unsafe and perhaps developed a people pleasing personality. So, the trauma you’re carrying is that you feel unsafe in the world, particularly in close relationships. Same goes for a people pleasing personality. You feel unsafe to be yourself, so you ‘put on an act’.
My client, Kathy
Back to Kathy- when I asked further questions about her childhood and how her mother was, it turned out that her mother was a high achieving career woman, and her pregnancy wasn’t planned. So, when Kathy was born, her mother went back to work immediately. Kathy never bonded with her mother. That will leave a very traumatic imprint on a newborn.
When Kathy was having her anxiety problems, every time she was around her own toddler, she unconsciously relived her trauma. No wonder why she didn’t want to be around her child!
Let me be clear
I am not here to blame Kathy’s mother for the emotional trauma she experienced by her mother. No. Why? Because I know that every human being is doing their very best in any situation. I’m sure, if I asked Kathy’s mother about her childhood, she would tell me about something that would make sense why she acted the way she did.
You see, trauma is almost always a generational issue. When I discovered mine, from both sides of my parents, I felt liberated. I stopped blaming them for my rocky childhood and I could start healing. (More on that next time) Yes, you can heal traumas. 😊
We are not doomed by our trauma
No! We can resolve it, so it doesn’t haunt us any longer and more importantly, we don’t repeat it. What did I do with Kathy? I used my Imprint Reset method to help her release the trauma.
In case you’re wondering, Kathy has a great relationship with her toddler now and she looks forward to the weekends.
If you need help freeing yourself from past experiences, so you can live a better quality of life, get in touch with me. I’d be happy to help. 😊
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